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He recognizes Kerri’s struggle and seems determined to set her free from all that is holding her back. He cannot comprehend her and instead tells Sister Wives Kerri and Katie that he’s so relieved that he didn’t get another good-looking chick that he’s into. You can tell because when he starts playing her a song on the acoustic guitar, she seems perfectly pleased, while I had to throw myself across the room to escape the nude songwriting.
Chris obviously doesn’t think Mariah is hot, but I love her for the following reasons. Chris is in love with Fallon, Louie is in love with Fallon. Surprisingly, Mason, is, and he proves it by giving Louie a talking-to about his “bad manners.” Kerri rewards Sir Mason with a kiss and a keep.Kerri, if you’re not going to step up and make every man on that island work for you — Chris included — we need a woman who is going to take Chris by his easily accessible balls and say, “I’m not here for you, I’m here for me, dammit,” and then band together with the other female contestants to make the nude men give them pedicures and cheese plates. She has the hair of Lady Godiva, the butt of a woman who spends too much time doing the bari method, and the attitude of a woman who knows she has the hair of Lady Godiva and a perfect bari butt. Their date is basically centered around worshipping Fallon’s perfect butt: body papier-mâché.It’s time for this small island nation of naked people to overthrow this dick-tatorship. Chris and Fallon apply Vaseline and glue and strips of paper to each other’s asses like it’s a Martha Stewart–themed porn.The three watch the sunset while both women compete for a piece of Chris’s ass. We’re still in the very early stages of this season, but I’m petitioning for VH1 to change the name to Dating Naked: All About Chris.Every new woman who arrives on the island is there for Chris.