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Eventually I learned that, at most, I have a small measure of influence with him.
And the only real control I have is over my own self.
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If there are consequences to stepping over our boundary we shall deal with them when and if they arise.
For example, Mom and I have set a boundary about not visiting in jail because jail is punishment. Why would we go visit and violate our own boundary? Mom had been having bad dreams about Alex and in all of her bad dreams Alex was with all of her dead friends and relatives. I’m not sure if she puts much stock in that sort of thing as a premonition or something but she was worried.
I just look at it as a dream, but it troubled mom so that troubled me.
With me, anger and frustration nearly always dissolved into me hollering at him and anyone in the vicinity, resulting in more anger and hurt for all. Boundaries help direct your universe when the rules do not apply or are not relevant. Boundaries are healthy for you and those surrounding you.
In a hurting family, that is the last thing you need — hurt compounded upon hurt. My lack of clear boundaries for myself gave me permission and allowed me to justify enabling my son’s drug use. I cannot change my addict’s behavior by setting rules.