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In the first flush of romance, we gaze lovingly at each other and we share all sorts of information with our lover.
We want to impress them and for them to know us and how we feel. In fact, on our first few dates we often talk until the wee hours of the morning. After the 'honeymoon' period we often slide into 'lazy land' - little conversation and even less communication. We think we know all there is to know about the other person.
This minimal communication usually leads to the loss of intimacy which seems to be the glue that holds most of the aspects of a relationship together.
It's imperative that we remain interested a) in our partner b) in life and learning and c) sharing our life and experiences with our partner. They are the people we find in 'spot the old couple'.
The second you become aware of holding your breath, you have stopped listening and are reacting or waiting for a gap to insert your words. Rule 4: Apply your listening skills at this time - quiet your self talk .
Rule 5: For you to be honest and open with each other you will have to feel safe. No comments like 'that's ridiculous', or 'you can't be serious', or 'that's not true'.
Non threatening questions that make you think deeply about feeling and values.
Just when you thought you knew everything about your partner... Rules of this game of discovery: There are some rules that apply to playing 'conversation kick starters' which is a fun game of exploration - both of yourself and your partner.
Additionally, another exception occurred while executing the custom error page for the first exception. Men may find this harder because women are used to thinking out loud and can keep talking for ages! Rule 7: Accept what is being said without responding defensively in any way Rule 8: Do not use this time as an opportunity to 'get back at' your partner Rule 9: Tell the truth and if you don't want to answer a question let your partner know that now is not a good time and promise to answer it at another more appropriate time Rule 10: Do not speak until the other person has finished speaking and you have looked down, nodded and counted to five. If I say to a large group that going out with your partner on a date once a week is important and that you must go as a couple - no other people; that there is to be no discussion about work or your children - the audience usually gasps in horror! Of course, comfortable silence is a sign of a relaxed relationship, but we rarely make a conscious effort to keep excitement and communication alive by asking each other questions that elicit interesting answers. Generally speaking, females use conversation to create intimacy and men use it to get information - as a means to an end.
Try the female approach fellas - it does seem to work!