Men not dating
Men often define these women along evolutionary psychology lines—women who are sexually-selective, faithful, physically attractive, and have a pleasant, respectful disposition (for more on these qualities, see Buss, 2003 and my own articles here and here).Unfortunately, these qualities are again part of women's double bind, with social norms sometimes guiding them away from these biologically feminine characteristics.Changing social norms has allowed few avenues by which they can be both acceptable as a relationship partner and attractive as a sex partner.As a result, at least half of their needs are unfulfilled, regardless of the decision they make.We are all motivated to seek out rewards and avoid punishments (Skinner, 1974).When rewards outweigh punishment, people perform behaviors.If men choose to follow social norms and become compliant as "good guys", they may get a "relationship partner". biological double-bind, these compliant men may also not be "attractive" to those same relationship partners (Buss & Shackelford, 2008).
In that article, I explained my hypothesis that women are stuck in a double-bind between what they are told through modern social norms and their own biological motivation.Socially, they are expected to be "compliant" (i.e. However, they are also urged by women's sexual interest to maintain an "attractive personality" (i.e. Unfortunately, men sometimes report that attempting to balance these notions does not result in satisfaction, happiness, or women's appreciation and respect.The men that I speak with (and who commented on my last post) lament about being in a "no win situation" in modern dating.Furthermore, they do so in a situation where women's own social instruction may reduce the very characteristics that many of these men desire.Given that, many men sit on the couch, plug in a video game, and opt out—just as Behaviorism and Skinner might predict.